


Not Alone

by TheGirlWithBrightEyes



Series: Fragments of Life [13]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Anxiety, Anxious Crowley (Good Omens), Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-13 02:13:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20166451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlWithBrightEyes/pseuds/TheGirlWithBrightEyes
Summary: Crowley is looking for a new home for himself and Aziraphale, and is finding it difficult to cope with the enormity of the decision to move together. The demon is overwhelmed.





	Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Short fic, exploring Crowley's feelings around the move.

Although he had offered to help Aziraphale pack, considering the sheer amount of books and things the angel had hoarded over millennia, Crowley was quite relieved that Aziraphale had declined his offer. It had been a burden on his shoulders to go to the bookshop, a painful memory of a loss that had been frighteningly real.

For a few hours his world had ended when he'd thought he had lost Aziraphale. It was not easy to forget...and he had tried, tried so hard over the past few months to get it into his head that Aziraphale was not dead. That the fire had been reversed.

The trouble was that those hours that had been the worst of his life - a life as long as time itself - had happened and they had scarred him. Way beyond what he himself had realised, until he'd seen the ether. He'd been under the impression that he was doing so much better, the pain he'd felt when he was alone had lessened, the nightmares fewer, the anxiety faded into a dull ache in his chest, a nervous tension to his shoulder rather than the urge to throw things.

And he couldn't help wondering what exactly the ether had looked like back when they'd just gotten out on the other side of Armageddon. It must have been the blazing inferno of his nightmares, dreams all too real, all too painful to really share with even Aziraphale.

He had the feeling the angel knew, all too well. At least he did now after having seen his ether. Aziraphale had been so gentle after they came out from it and he was still. He'd spent almost all his time with Crowley, only visiting his bookshop very briefly to prepare for moving out. Although Crowley should by all means be embarrassed the way he is treated now, he couldn't find it in him to mind.

The gentleness and compassion was, after all, among what had made him fall so far and so hard for the angel in the first place. And somehow, that makes it all so difficult, to just pick up and leave. Find somewhere new. So as he browses houses for sale he tries to find somewhere Aziraphale would like, spreading printouts all over the desk in his study.

He was not really an expert in architecture, not anymore, and he liked the clean cut lines of the 30s functionalism - but Aziraphale wouldn't be happy in a house like that. So he tried to find somewhere spacious with room for their collections, fresh air and an open sky. It's not as easy as he'd hoped it would be. The houses he'd found were spread over several countries but Crowley soon found himself feeling resigned to a simple fact: he liked the British Isles and he knows Aziraphale does, too.

Which left him with a handful of properties - large stone cottages spread out over the countryside with a sizeable garden and no neighbours nearby. Not even a pub. Crowley stared at the cottages, feeling faint as the reality of the situation hits home: he's looking for a home for him and Aziraphale.

A home for him and his angel. _His_.

Crowley staggered backwards, back hitting the wall. He looked at his hands - they were once again shaking. Going from two beings that knew each other well on an acquaintance level, never telling and never really touching, to living together as husbands in less than a year is a huge deal. He finds himself frightened and overwhelmed, finds that this time he's the one that feels that things are going too fast.

But he can't stay here. Shivering and panting softly he looked around, swallowing hard. He loves Aziraphale, he really does, would do anything for him. Give him everything he wanted if it was within his power - but he's scared. He's loathe to admit it, but he is.

It's how Aziraphale finds him when he gets there, rigid with fear. But one touch from his angel and he melts into his embrace, feeling exhausted but so grateful. He remembers the most important thing, how he could forget is beyond him.

He will not face this alone.


End file.
